The Dream contd.
From here.

Just as I say that, the bar/cafe/coffee shop fades, and I'm in a classroom.
The hell? I don't remember paying for summer classes biko?
And then the professor walks in carrying a ...I'm squinting to read..
Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics textbook. Say what??
I thought I took this class years ago?
Just as I'm thinking that, this skinny girl walks in. She is carrying a lot of attitude on her along with those books.
All I can see on her is her legs. She looks like one of those efico girls,
that would rather sit at home on a Thursday night studying ahead of time for the incase quizzes we might have, rather than enjoying a discount movie night with the rest of the crew.
She pushes walks by me to the seat next to me.
She looks African. That nose…Very Igbo if I may say so.
“Hi”
See the side-eye she gave me?
“Hello”. Loaded with a lot of attitude.
Ookay! Well we are probably going to work together anyways, seeing as we were the only black people in the class. So I will let her be for now.
One white boy was kicking her chair and she was definitely not finding it funny.
I was laughing though. If you ask me, I think the boy liked her and she was clearly irritated.
I think he just asked her to tutor him.
Ha ha! How cute.
“Seriously? I have better things to do.”
Shoo? Did she just diss him? Whoa ok?
So I ask her, lets see if she will give me yawa too.
“I need help in this class, would you help me?”
She first looked me up and down and up again.
The way those Yoruba women do in the movies.
Is it that serious?
“Ok. Fine. Give me your email address, and we can work something out.”
Whoa! I have to make an appointment? This one don pass efico o!

And then the lecture starts….
“Today we are going to be pondering on this journey called life…”
Uh? Say what? I thought I was in an engineering class?
I look around. It seems to be some kind of… seminar?
I’m wearing…a suit, with killer pumps. Wow! Where am I?
Wait I have .. a briefcase?
Ok, this must be a pretty important seminar. I look around again.
Everybody here looks kinda .. important? Like business executives?
What is this? A motivational seminar?
I have to ask. I turn to the person next to me,
“I’m sorry to bother you, but where exactly are we?”
He looks at me like I’m psycho.
“You are at one of the series of seminars held by the world renowned speaker Danny B. Are you ok Miss?”
"Danny B? As in Bagucci Danny?"
He raises his eyebrows,
“Uh yeah?”
Ok, Gaylord. I was just asking.
But seriously? Danny B? I have got to see and hear this up close.
“Thanks” I say to the annoyed gay guy.
I get up from my seat and head all the way to the front. Uh, yes I did.
I slide into a seat in the second row. The girl next to me does not look very happy.
Oh whatever. She will be alright. At leat I did not step on her. Then she will know.
Just as I take a seat, Danny catches my eye. OMG! Does he know?
“You find your seat ok Miss?”
OMG did he just TALK to me?
“Uh..yah Im good thanks.” I am blushing???
And he continues…
“Where was I? Oh yea.. A journey is an evolution of an idea from a crude, undeveloped state to a more refined one. Sometimes it is deterministic….”
Hmm..he is almost like I imagined him.
About 5’ 11 maybe. Really dark. Well not Akon dark, but almost there.
He doesn’t look that old, but that goatee looks like it was intentional. He has the face of a young-er man, but in his eyes you can see the years of wisdom imprinted in them.
That suit. Definitely tailor made. And the shoes. Wow he looks good sha.
I'm not sure what I was expecting.
“Occasionally the vehicle takes on a life of its own…”
I have to get in to the mingling session after this. I wonder if there is one?
This is definitely somebody I need to know.
Just as I raise my hands to signal an usher over..

He comes over, but… what is he wearing? Jeans and a muscle shirt? Where am I?
Just then I hear..
“…ladies and gentlemen please give it up for EVANESCENCE”
Oh shit oh shit OH SHIT!!! OMG OMG OMG
How did I get here? Oh forget that! I’m in the FOURTH row!!!!
I jump on my feet, and that is when I notice I'm not in a suit anymore.
I'm in those killer jeans I tried on at that store that is totally out of my price range.
I'm wearing a Balmain jacket with a white tank underneath, and I have Barbara Bui shoes on. Say what??
And that is when I see it. Around my neck.
“Press Pass
Vogue Africa
Fabulo-la”
Oh freaking sheeeeeeeet! I work for Vogue???
I am over the moon at this point. I barely had time to think, when the band started playing one of my best-est songs ever.
“Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you..”
That was when I spotted him. He was hard to miss. We were the only black people with seats so close to the stage.
He looked about 6’1’’. Nice jeans, and wait, is that a biker jacket? Oh shoot!
On my to do list before I’m 30- take a ride on the back of a motorcycle behind a foine looking man.
Check, check check.
Did he just look over here? I think he did. I got a better look.
Nice curly hair, shaped sideburns. Nice teeth. He looks yoruba. Hmmm.
A 'Seun' or 'Olu' maybe...
Oh wow. I squint to get a look at what his press pass says..
Oh wow! Is that really him???



Take a wild guess...
xxx
Fabulo-la
7/27/2009 | Category: , , | 32 Fabulalalas

The Bitch Shoes


So. I was in NY for the weekend. Was a very eventful weekend. I got new shoes, new hair and correct insults. So my friend, Kikiana, and I came across one store like this in Harlem that was doing CORRECT clearance sale. Now when I say correct, I mean CORRECT.
Everything was on sale for $50. I'm talking LAMB, Giuseppe, CORRECT CORRECT shoes! No be Bakers shoes o! Shoes I have no business buying on a normal day. Thank God for sale. So we walked into the store, there were 4 other women there buying shoes. We tried shoes on. FOR $50!!!

I bought those ones in the picture, my friend bought a pair of LAMB shoes and Giuseppes for her sisters since she didn't find her size. Again, for $50!!! Who no go buy? Anyways, so we saunter out of the store with our 'steals'. We even went back the next day when her sisters came in, but the prices had gone back up.
So we sha went back about our business, nails, hair.....

Somewhere in-between, I decided to get money from the atm. What did I see? They had charged me DOUBLE! Biko! What business do I have buying $100 shoes??? Do you know how long it takes me to make that???? Shoo!
My friend checked her account, and she had been charged and extra $50 too.

I called the store quick quick make them return my money abeg! Or if them no gree, them fit collect their shoe back. Na so the girl come call me back say make I folo her oga talk. Say wetin??

So I called the oga. The oga com de yan beans that her shoes are never on sale for $50. That all the announcements she put on facebook and twitter and bla bla bla.
Biko? How that one com consign me?
She come talk say she go check her survelliance video.
Eewo! See me see trouble! Did she just use style to call me a liar and a thief??
So we carried ourselves and our shoes back to her store. When we got there, this woman was ready for fight.

"So, you must be the girls that said you bought shoes for $50? You have your receipts? My security guy is on his way."
"Oh yah. Nice to meet you, I'm Fabulo-la".
See us still doing polite polite.
Na so she come start.
"......sth sth sth BITCH BITCH ghetto bitches tryna scam me..."
Shoo?
"Nothing in this store was ever $50! I do not sell my shoes for $50! I know about all you ghetto bitches tryna scam me."

Say whaa??? Trust Kikiana. Ibo gel. She just siddon for chair.
She asked the sales girl to commot from back make she come talk wetin happen now abi?
The woman went on..

"Bitch leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with this!"
"...sth sth sth..get the fuck out of my store or I would throw you out myself BITCH.."
Ibogel: Just touch me, you will know what the inside of a jail cell looks like.
"Get the fuck out before I call the cops"
Ibogel: Abeg Fabulo-la, 911. This woman doesn't know anything.

At this point, agidi don pass agidi and it had become a shouting match between the I'm-not-ghetto-fabulous akata woman and the ever-so-ready Ibo gel.
Me? Me I no de fight o! I no like fight o! I just cross my hand for one corner just de look with my eyes bulging out. I look like person wey go de scam a whole boutique on top shoe? My counterparts are scamming banks, me I will be scamming boutique? Na wa o!

After shouting shouting she went to get $50 in cash and shoved it our faces.
*Blank stares* I now come ask am,
"Is there a way you can put this back on our cards without giving us cash?"
"Bitch I gave you the $50, what the fuck do you want? Take the money and get the fuck out of my store!" And she started again...
Na wa o! Shooo??

Anyways, the woman's friend that was there sha stepped in, apologised on behalf of her friend and bla bla bla. Apparently, her cash register does not do refunds.
Would it have killed her to say that?
Ha! Na she sabi. Those shoes look hot on me jere...
I got my hot shoes and my $50 and sashayed out of there.

Apparently the thing pain Kikiana more than it pained me. On monday morning, she emailed some woman at ybf telling her about it, cause apparently they did a scoop on her sometime in May. So if you see any videos on theybf.com with 2 weird looking girls fighting over shoes, fear not its just Fabulo-la attempting to conquer her fear of cameras. LOL

And that my friends, is the story of the bitch-shoes.
7/22/2009 | Category: , , , | 33 Fabulalalas

Begin where?
Tomorrow...
is daunting.
Unnerving. Dispiriting.
Not knowing where?
How?
What?

Strength to go on.
Where is it?
How did you find it?

Trying...
...not to lose it.
Struggling to hold on
Lest your hopes
fizzle before your eyes.

Am I?
Looking...
... at the wrong goal?
Fighting..
..for what is not mine?

But how..
...will I know?

With every step forward..
...the goal seems even further away.
Disappearing into the thin air

Tomorrow is daunting.

7/20/2009 | Category: , | 17 Fabulalalas

The Dream *LONG POST ALERT*
...as I recall it.

The day I met my fellow bloggers.
Well some of them.

*Disclaimer: This dream is just that a dream. Any resemblance to anyone real or fake is highly coincidental biko. If I described you on point. Oh well, you are just predictable ni yen.*
With that, enjoy reading!

I was sweeping my apartment with my Lagos imported igbale, counting the tiles as I went along trying very hard to suppress my anger at my messy roommates. I was wondering why I couldn't just be like everyone else and YELL at these babes.
Just as I was thinking that, in walks this caramel complexioned girl.
About my height, she had pretty eyes, smooth skin, white gapless teeth not chubby at all, with her hair bumped into a ponytail. She had pretty long hair too. She had on a knee length white summer cotton dress, that just made me hate her d more.
She wasn't fat or thick, but mehn! The backside on that chick! Ewoooooo!
How is that even physically possible?! I stared like a manner less goat, while at the same time making a mental note to ask God why he chose to give some the excess that should have been mine!

"Biko! What are you staring at?" She bellowed at me. I didnt have to guess. This could only be..
"Nice Anon?" I asked.
"Ehen? Whay are you looking at me as if you seen a ghost?"
"No o! I'm just.."
"You are just what? Anyways, where are those your useless roomates nne?"
"Uh?" I stammered.
"My what?"
"Your roommates biko! Abi you don't remember asking me to come and show you how to talk some sense into them? "
"I did?"
"Ah see this girl o! Nne, yes you did biko, and you also mentioned that Ibo boy would be stopping by again. I wanted to be here to laugh in person and enjoy it firsthand." I blinked wondering how she knew all of this.
"Nne, you really dont remeber?" I shook my head like a little puppy
"You are certainly crazier than you let on."
With that she let herself into my fridge...
"Bia you don't have anything to eat in this house?"
"Well, no that would mean me going to the grocery store. You know how that makes me nervous."
"You certainly are very crazy." All this while, Im standing with my igbale in mid-sweep and I'm wondering, how the hell did she find me?

*************************************************************************

With that my living room fades, and all of a sudden I'm in this bar?
No. Cafe maybe? Like a quaint coffee shop. With a live band? No. A comedy show? No.
It looks like poetry reading of some sort. Oh cool. I didn't know they had these in this town. The host introduces some guy on stage, saying he is 'the next best thing in poetry'.
Right, I think to myself. His poetry better be on point then.
Lots of applause. This guy must be very good. How come I've never heard of him before?
In walks this guy. Tall, about 6' 2" maybe? Dark. Hmm not bad, I think to myself. He has the goatee-thing going on. Nice pressed slacks, with an argyle sweater on, and one of those kangol-looking hats on pulled to the side. Hmmm. The lips on him.....
And then he starts.
"I
see you..
Do you..
see me too?"
And I'm thinking to myself, where have I heard that before? But Im too distracted by his voice. Very melodious, lyrical almost. Like he is singing...

"I've been watching you
Have you been watching me too?"

Ok hmm..the way this dude is staring intently, you would think he was talking to me.

"Nothing lasts forever
But I'll still be here where you left me"

Gademit! The lyrics on this dude...why is he looking at me like he knows me?
Dude doesnt know his lyrics are already making me sweat eh biko?
And then he goes...

"I am
Asleep
But my mind
Is awake to you.."

OH. MY. GOD. I know those lyrics! It can't be...
I catch his eye, and it is like he knows, that I know.

"If I weep,
Its my heart trying to reach for you"

Oh lord, you already gave me a man, why are you allowing this man to do this to me ehn?

"As I live,
My heart is in tune with you"

I close my eyes. I can't take this anymore. I am sweating now. Through my eyes.

"If you leave...
I'd be lost...
Lost without you"

I start to cry. I think I have just come across one of the greatest poets in my generation.
This man has made me cry in places I didn't know I could.
I lift my eyes to the sky. God why didnt you give me a man like this ehn?

*******************************************************************

Just as I say that, the bar/cafe/coffee shop fades, and I'm in a classroom.
The hell? I don't remember paying for summer classes biko.
And then the professor walks in carrying a ...I'm squinting to read..
Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics textbook. Say what??
I thought I took this class years ago?
Just as I'm thinking that, this skinny girl walks in. She is carrying a lot of attitude on her along with those books.
All I can see on her is her legs........

To be continued.
7/12/2009 | Category: , | 15 Fabulalalas

Mood Swings
Caustic
That is how I feel right now.
Be careful where you step
Or what you say
For I might feel the need to snap and burn you with my bitterness
I don’t need a reason
I'm caustic. Sardonic. Scathing.
Why? You ask.
Do I need a reason?
Can I not just wake up and be this way?
Or maybe it is your very presence that makes me feel this way
Maybe its just the thought of you that does this to me
Or the things you do.
Or don’t do.
Maybe its just how you are looking at me.
Or not looking at me for that matter.
Or how you tied your hair.
Or didn’t tie your hair.
But what does it matter?
What difference does it make?

I need to disappear
Go far far away.
Out of reach.
Out of touch.
Away from you.
From everybody.
Just ignoring my phone is not enough
Somewhere in the middle of the desert maybe?
The other side of the world would be nice
Or maybe just that spot behind the gym
Next to that really dangerous place they tell us not to go?
Or maybe I should think happy thoughts?
What are those anyway?
Me in Charlies chocolate factory?
Or me with all the shoes in the world?


I need to get away.
I need to rid my self of this causticity.
I can't focus.
I need a happy pill.
I need help.

How do you do it?
7/10/2009 | Category: | 7 Fabulalalas

How do I love thee?
I cannot count the ways...

Seriously Blogsville,
What is wrong with me?
Na who send me do LDR ehn??
As in, what the hell am I doing?
I mean I enjoy talking to him for hours on end,
I look forward to him waking me up every morning,
I know he will do anything for me
And I will do anything for him too.
At least I think so.

Then what is wrong with me biko??
I mean I'm not one of those mushy people that will go on and on about how I feel
I shudder at the thought sef.
Abi isn't the fact that Im sending him texts every hour on the hour show something?
Why do I have to spell it out?
Im not totally cold hearted sha.
Once in a while, when the emotion grips me sooo much
I can barely hold my tongue.
Once in a while.
Not everyday, three times a day naa!
But only once in a while.

I keep thinking of what would happen when I finally DO see him.
It has been sooo long. Too long.
Will I squeeze my face in disgust?
Will he make my skin crawl with his smile?
Will I be annoyed by his jokes or his irate chatter?
Will I recoil in horror when he tries to touch me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME BLOGSVILLE???

On another note...
I just finished reading Purple Hibiscus.
Its not a true story is it??
IS IT???
Gosh the oppression that is that story is choking.
What kind of person suffers that kind of abuse and yet still strives to please her oppressor?
I am very disturbed.
My 2 favorite lines from that book:
"All that maleness wasted" and
"Papa will be scadalized".

Next book up, Satanic Verses.
I don't know why.


On yet another note.
So err...I keep seeing certain bloggers in my dreams...
This is getting very strange.
I hope they did not send you to me o eh, biko?

Seriously though.
I am begging you people.

Leggy, DannyB, Nice and Blogoratti I de take God beg you people o!

xxx
Fabulo-la


7/08/2009 | Category: , , , | 11 Fabulalalas

SHOOT ME NOW!!!!
*Rant A-fucking-lert*

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I cannot live with people, I swear, I CANNOT!
Oh. My. Goodness.
And I am a pretty easy person to live with too o!
SO for me to be PISSED the fcuk off, it is pretty serious.
I mean, I don't usually complain, I would just clean up after everybody and lock myself in my room.
But today...
TODAY!!! I came home from work and the apartment is UP. SIDE. DOWN.
Dirty dishes, messy kitchen, books and paper everywhere.
Like how the hell can you sit in the middle of all of that and be watching tv like nothing is wrong???
I mean why can't people just CLEAN UP after themselves??
Grown ass women too??
How the hell do you go to sleep leaving the whole of the apartment in a BLOODY MESS???
And the kitchen???
How can you SLEEP with the sink piled so fcuking high???
Why the hell do they feel the need to talk soo bloody loudly???
I have told them we live on campus, the walls are THIN!!!
SHUT THE FCUK UP!!!

And the worst part?
I will fall asleep, but I will wake up when I know everybody else is sleeping to clean up.
If I don't do it I will NOT sleep.

Ehnnn I know you are thinking this one must be a psycho.
But whatever, I am borderline OCD. (I said borderline jo).
Jehofa Rapha is healing me.
And it is involuntary in case you were wondering.
*sighs*
I better go and re-organize my dresser to unleash this anger...


FYI, there are exactly 14 steps when you enter the building from the side and 24 when you enter from the front.
Add 30 steps to the apartment when you enter from the front.


I'm not crazy I swear
xoxo

Fabulo-la
7/07/2009 | Category: , | 15 Fabulalalas

Behold all things are new...
Once upon a time,
My ass was broke
I might still be short on cash,
But that is not the point.
One day I looked up and realised
My father in heaven is Fabulous
Jehovah Efizzy himself.
Then it struck me
I may not be the smartest engineer in my class
I may not be the prettiest girl around
But HE told me before he formed me,
He already knew all of this.
He has plans for me
It doesn't matter where I am now
Its where I am going that I should look to
So with that I let my 'broke ass' go
And Fabulo-la was born
I am realising some things were not meant to be
And for others I have to exercise SERIOUS patience
I can't please everybody
And frankly, I'm tired of trying
From here on I'm just going to be ME!
No coding, nothing.
Just my fabulous self

Xoxo
Fabulo-la


Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

7/07/2009 | Category: | 16 Fabulalalas