I cannot count the ways...

Seriously Blogsville,
What is wrong with me?
Na who send me do LDR ehn??
As in, what the hell am I doing?
I mean I enjoy talking to him for hours on end,
I look forward to him waking me up every morning,
I know he will do anything for me
And I will do anything for him too.
At least I think so.

Then what is wrong with me biko??
I mean I'm not one of those mushy people that will go on and on about how I feel
I shudder at the thought sef.
Abi isn't the fact that Im sending him texts every hour on the hour show something?
Why do I have to spell it out?
Im not totally cold hearted sha.
Once in a while, when the emotion grips me sooo much
I can barely hold my tongue.
Once in a while.
Not everyday, three times a day naa!
But only once in a while.

I keep thinking of what would happen when I finally DO see him.
It has been sooo long. Too long.
Will I squeeze my face in disgust?
Will he make my skin crawl with his smile?
Will I be annoyed by his jokes or his irate chatter?
Will I recoil in horror when he tries to touch me?

On another note...
I just finished reading Purple Hibiscus.
Its not a true story is it??
IS IT???
Gosh the oppression that is that story is choking.
What kind of person suffers that kind of abuse and yet still strives to please her oppressor?
I am very disturbed.
My 2 favorite lines from that book:
"All that maleness wasted" and
"Papa will be scadalized".

Next book up, Satanic Verses.
I don't know why.

On yet another note.
So err...I keep seeing certain bloggers in my dreams...
This is getting very strange.
I hope they did not send you to me o eh, biko?

Seriously though.
I am begging you people.

Leggy, DannyB, Nice and Blogoratti I de take God beg you people o!


Comments (11)

On July 8, 2009 at 8:39 PM , Rene said...

I'm scared! Hope I haven't been in any of your dream.
Maybe you're still finding it hard to come to terms with your emotions.
The title reminded me of one of the poems I read in College

On July 8, 2009 at 8:39 PM , Rene said...

I forgot to shout.....first!!!!

On July 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM , miss.fab said...

Ahahahaha... (at the dreams that is). So funny, lol! I find the concept of dreams highly fascinating for some reason but this is not a Psych class so that's all I'll say.

Also, girl I feel you on the LDR oh. The funny thing is I'm on the other side of the equation - I have no problem whatsoever spelling out exactly how I feel, as long as I trust you with my feelings (which I probably do if I'm in a relationship with you). He on the other hand, hmmm... Lemme not even call him out on Blogger. We'll have this convo in private, haha.

There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe it has been too long, though. (PS: How long are we talking??)

On July 8, 2009 at 9:49 PM , Fabulo-la said...

@Rene: come to terms with my emotions?
Biko explain.

@miss.fab: yes lets have this convo jere.
2 years!
2 bladdy years!!!

On July 9, 2009 at 12:53 AM , Nice Anon said...

Bia, are you sure you are ok? Why are you seeing me in your dreams? Wetin I dey do for this dream sef? Was I chasing you with a matchete? LOL

Accept how you feel about him. It is only normal. Long distance things are hard and only for the hard hearted. Look at it this way.. it will all be worth it in the end.

On July 9, 2009 at 1:49 AM , akaBagucci said...

LOL..... LDRs mostly suck.... But a few peeps are making it work.. You might want to check in with Chari and Buttercup to see how they are navigating theirs!

Hmm... Just a thought, if you don't know how someone looks (hopefully you don't) how do you know its them you dream about..... LOL.. What was I doing or trying to do in the dream though? Giving a lecture?

On July 9, 2009 at 12:42 PM , Fabulo-la said...

@Nice: No u were not chasing me with a machete o!
And I hope so o! I do.

@DannyB: I think it was just one of my moods...
lool! Shebi its my dream?
I can imagine u to look however I want!

On July 10, 2009 at 12:13 AM , leggy said...

na wa oh...dem send u?lol
anyway..na extreme u gt oh!!
and u r doing the whole long distance thing huh?
onething i dnt really get is...havent u guys met before?

On July 10, 2009 at 12:59 AM , Fabulo-la said...

Sigh...of course ive met him.
Ive known him for almost 8 years sef.
But Iono. D transition from friend to more than...
Maybe im just in one of my mood swings.
Who knows?

On July 12, 2009 at 2:32 PM , kay9 said...

Mmmh, i feel left out, almost everybody in blogsville was in the dream. Oh well, it's not surprising, considering when my reply in coming in...

On July 13, 2009 at 3:09 PM , faB!! said...

Purple Hibiscus was a really nice book. I loved it. I don't think its a true story.... its totally fiction.
The oppression in that book was way tooo bad and the woman endured it!! That's a stereotype of a good African wife!! Wife my butt!!! *hiss*
Hmmmm..... she is very tolerating. That's all I can say cos she took so much sh!t from that man.