1 - The omission of expected or required action
   - a lack or deficiency of a desirable quality
2 - the action or state of not functioning.

Technically according to the dictionary that Apple has so gracefully installed in all their computers, my one biggest fear is staring at me in the face.
The one moment in my life where I thought I knew 'why' I existed on this earth is being mocked.
I was so sure, I was so ready, I was burning with passion.
Or something like it.
The fire has gone stone cold now as I struggle to just exist in this life.
I had a plan, I had a purpose.
But in my race to exist, I must have run off and dropped it somewhere.
But where?
I have searched everywhere.
I have searched inside and outside of me.
Its not under my bed, and I dont think I forgot to pack it.
Or did I?
I have spent the last few months trying to  duplicate the circumstances under which I discovered that purpose.
Maybe, just maybe it will show itself again.

Now staring at my imminent failure, the voices in my head are pointing and laughing.
'Well what did you think you could do?' They are saying to me.
They are right aren't they?
I mean what else can I do?
Its like I woke up with amnesia.

What did I do wrong?

I envy all of you who not only know, but are doing.
I hope it doesn't take me another 20-something years to find it.

Dont wait another moment to start living your purpose. its not enough to just find it.


Comments (16)

On October 2, 2010 at 7:38 PM , NBB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
On October 2, 2010 at 7:40 PM , NBB said...

Very deep!
In life, finding purpose and living it is key. You are not a failure :)

On October 3, 2010 at 12:06 PM , kay9 said...

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
- Aaliyah

On October 3, 2010 at 12:30 PM , leggy said...

i hope you are okay sha.
your posts are oh so

On October 3, 2010 at 2:01 PM , neefemi said...

Definitely been there... you know this...infact tbh totally honest i'm still not all the way sure, but u gotta keep trudging on or if the case necessitates find another purpose...maybe you thought it was ur purpose but it wasn't Gods purpose for you... You are not a failure not even close to it and you will never be


On October 3, 2010 at 6:50 PM , Jaycee said...

I learn more about my purpose through short-term achievements and long-term achievements. Like they say, it's the 'journey' that's the most important. I pray you find that thing which you lost.

On October 3, 2010 at 8:44 PM , Myne Whitman said...

I'm sure you're not a failure. But you're right, living the purpose is just as important as finding it. All the best dearie.

On October 3, 2010 at 9:27 PM , NoLimit said...

All hope is not lost!!!
I love to say when life dishes you lemons, make is okay to FEEL like you failed or FEEL like you're a failure...Keyword "feel"...truth remains that it is just a will pass...if it refuses to pass,shake it off and force it off you!
You're not a failure and just because some minor set back(s)occured doesn't mean you should pack it all way the words of Aliyah..."Dust yourself up and try again"

On October 4, 2010 at 1:13 PM , Temite said...


You KNOW IT. You are afraid, but I know you know it. Sometimes we hide even from ourselves. If you need help, you know where to find me.


On October 4, 2010 at 7:09 PM , T.Notes said...

I know it, i've tasted it many often,yet i've dropped it more often and skirted off chasing after butterflies in winter.How do you classify me,even as i still look longily after it???

On October 5, 2010 at 9:03 PM , lani said...

deep .. sometime you don't know but just keep plugging away, praying you headed in the right direction ... i feel u

On October 6, 2010 at 6:27 AM , 2cute4u said...

First off, lemme me apologise for being away for this long.. I had to..
You can't see your 'imminent failure' until you believe that that is what you want to see.
Just saying..
Great choice of words..

On October 7, 2010 at 1:32 AM , 48 said...

I believe kay said it best; success isn't the absence of failure, it's the refusal to stay down.

On October 7, 2010 at 1:01 PM , 24yearOldTeEnAgeR said...


On October 9, 2010 at 2:29 AM , Lily Johnson said...

My dear, believe or not it happens to everyone. Even the best of us. And that doesn't make you a failure. Sometimes one does feel lost. All you have to do is sit down and think it through and you will get back on track.

On October 9, 2010 at 6:47 PM , akaBagucci said...

I suspect that we all, inspite of our successes, have moments when life tries to snuff us out.... But then we stoically shrug and keep plugging away, no?