Me. And then Some.

I hate the holidays
It reminds me of everything I don't have
And everything I'm not

I hate Halloween 'cause well,
I don't get it.

I hate Thanksgiving 'cause
Unlike everyone else,
I don't get to go home
To my big family and a huge turkey
Nope. I get to stay here...

I hate Christmas cause
Well again, I don't get to just go home
And I have never felt like such
an unrequested family member than at Christmas time

I hate the holiday season
'cause it reminds me of how miserable I really am

5 years, 5 miserable holiday seasons

Wake me up when December ends...

Ladies and Gentlemen!
How have all y'all been?
Shey una don acquaint ya selves with Ray?
Good. Now let us bring in the Raysins.

First off there is...

*Drum roll please*

Me! Yes me o!
I am THE number one Raysin jere.
If not for me, you think we will even be talking about Ray?
Egzaitly. So Ray Ray dahling, you know what I can do for you joh.
No need to talk too much on here jere
Just call me on my nought-nine-nought and lemme show you.
*winks*

Now onto the other *and not so original* Raysins

First up we have Miss ChinnyN here is what she had to say for herself:

Ok guys this is chinnyn here, Ray's official numba 1, forget the other loosers. I am the one Ray needs in his life to support and nurture him. I am an official cook n I'll make sure I cook 3times a day 4 you ma darling, ill even take time out to bath u every morning n nite (o i see ray smiling hehehe). *no be only smile. Ray if I catch you for dia!*
*10 carat ke? Ray shey u see, I no even ask u for anything.*

Next up we have ChocoMilo herself:

Manre dahling, Im a sweet girl, that's just tryna give you a gooooood time..if you pick me you are gonna get the best time ever! I have long hair and blue eyes..what man can resist that? Don't forget my legs that go on for days! *wink*

*Afi Manre darling naa...Me sef my legs go on for days joh! No mind am!*

Next up is Dharmie:

Hey Ray! My name is dharmie n Im sure am d perfect gurl 4 u! Y? Cos am strong,smart,sexy nd hawt! Ok let's start wit a lil bit of me....am 20, a nursing student n I live in md usa..hummmm wat else?...lol I'll update dis as d show goes on....lol pick me! muwah!



*Eh Ray Ray dahling, you wan rob cradle? She even sent her pishur! Oh wow!*

Next up is Gigachic:

My name is Ms. Gigga™, I'm an adult female from Nigeria in western Africa, I enjoy taking long walks on the beach, drinking cocktails and dancing in the rain...p.s I enjoy oral sex #justsaying :D

*ok this one I know I av to watch her o! ahn ahn!*

And finally Ladies and Gentlemen
We have Funmie. Yes I said Funmie.
She doesn't know it yet. But she is a Raysin.
I'm not going to talk too much about Funmie joh. She already has a WHOLE blog post dedicated to her.
No special treatment here, shey you know?

So there we have it, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Next blogisode Ray will ask his questions and..hmm he is thinking of allowing Tweetville and Blogsville to vote, what say ye?

E no marra! Whatever you people decide, I'm still the original Raysin!

*evil laugh*

xxx
Fabulo-la, #1 Raysin

P.S. Just incase there are any single ladies out there check ---> this out.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to...
For The Love of Ray Ray: Battle of the Raysins!

What? Dont know who Ray is?

Ok Let me introduce him to you
'Ray' is the sexy, sultry voice that has captivated certain bloggers and tweeters on the infamous hookup chatroom that is Verastcally Speaking Radio

What? Never listened to Vera?
Ok Run along and get acquainted.

Now that you have acquainted yourself, we were talking about Ray
Yes..his voice.. *sighs*
With his agbero bounce two-step, and his smooth talking self
Several bloggers and tweeters seem to have fallen captive to the charm that is Ray.
Word has it that a special group has been created for the women, Raysins they are called,
that just can't get enough of his voice and his charm.

Oh, and I should know. I'm the number one victim.
But like I said, it is the voice...

But this is not about me. Not today anyways..
Today it is about Ray, This post is about Ray.
Ray, that is a confirmed 'playa' according to Vera, and has declared that he would not under no circumstances share his password, yes this Ray is the one whose attention all these woman, excuse me, Raysins are vying for.

*Hillzzzz they don't know that Im his number one yet.*

So anyways, to give everyone a fair chance (even though we all know I'm number one) we decided to let Ray choose for himself.
(it is just to make the others happy, I tell you)

So Ladies and Gentlemen, this is how it is going to be:
Next episode we will introduce the contestants to you, then each blogisode, Ray will get to ask each of the contestants a question, and eliminate as he sees fit.
(Read: I will eliminate as I feel like eliminating them jo. No be my blog? *evil laugh*)

So! Ladies and Gentlemen...This should be fun, Stay Tuned!

Oh and to hear Rays voice, go to.... HA!
You thought I would REALLY release the link?
Error. Find it by yourself.
Tune in to Verastically Speaking and MAYBE you will hear his voice.
Hehehehe

xxx
THE #1 Raysin, all others are counterfeit.

That is exactly how I feel.
Blank. Empty. Null and Void.

I want to...bare it all.
But for the first time...

I cant find the words...

One of the hardest things right now?
Realizing that the path you've been on
Was the wrong one
And a complete waste of time.

Dear God, where are you?

At times like these,
I do what I do best

....
Escape my reality

Another long day at the office, and nothing seems to have been accomplished.
Why are men always adamant to work with a woman? Abi is it just these Nigerian men that don't want to deal with a Nigerian woman? Are they that intimidated? Na wa o! Working with these engineers has not been easy.
Three years as 'Engineer-in-charge', and you'd think they would have gotten used to it by now.

I buzz my secretary and tell her not to forward anymore calls. Its 4.00pm, and I need a break.
I kick off my Pradas, take off my blazer and settle into the traditional judges' chair I ordered specially. Funms was right, these things are soo comfy. I still need to meet with the process engineers before picking her up from the airport.
Sigh....
Just then my cellphone rings
"Mama lemme upgrade you..."

It can only be one person.
"Hi Temie.."
"Boys boys! I have told you! Be quiet when mummy is on the phone!.." She yells.
"My favorite boys behaving themselves?"
"Mehn...Fabsy, I think it is time for mummy to take a break....Nathaniel, say hello to Aunt Fabs.."
"Hi Aunty.." He says in his cute american accent but with a hint of french, spanish and everything else Temie is teaching them.

"Hi, my love. I miss you."...I coo into the phone. Nathaniel is my small boyfriend.
"misth you too.." he tells me.
".. seriously Fabs, when are you coming to babysit for me now? Me and honey need a break jo."
"Err..Temite I don't know about that one o. U forget me sef I have babies of my own, and..."

"Those are dogs jo! Not children." She cuts me off.
"Schewwww. It is time for us to find u a real man jere..all those engineers and you can't find ONE? What is Nigeria doing to you eh?"
"You have started o Temie..." I warn her. For the life of her, Temie cannot understand WHY I have refused to (in her own words) "marry a good man".

"Ehen! And if I start nko?...Nikolai.. Partez de là! Momie ne l'aime pas...when are you coming to New York jo? The boys miss you."
"Well... I'm supposed to be meeting Alexio in Cyprus in a few days..."

I can hear her rolling her eyes..

"You and this white boy ehn? Is it not tme for it to be over? Ok o.."
"Ha ha Tems. Very Funny. Maybe I should bring him to NY instead to babysit with me while you are away with honey eh?"
"Ah no..s'okay...we will be fine." She quickly adds. Temies dislike for my choice of men is anything but subtle.

"You will be alright Tems. Alexio means no harm jo."
"Hmm hmmm..Hold on Fabs, the intercom is buzzing..."

*********
"Secretary Generals Office. How can I help you?"
"Yah, its Funms. Put Tems on please."
"Yes ma'am."
**********

Click
"Hello.?"
"Hello ... ?
"Fabs, Funms is on the phone."
"Funms! Aren't you supposed to be on a plane back here?" I ask.

"Ehh..Fabs I was going to call you about that, but err..change of plans.."
"Change of plans? Why? Where are you going?"
"New York."
"New York?!"...Tems and I scream at the same time.

"What for? Why? Didn't you just come from your honeymoon around the world?" I query Funms.
"So you'll babysit?" Temie asks hopefully.

"Ok ok Ladies! And Tems no I can't babysit, sorry. But with all the Secret service Tems, you can't get anyone to babysit?" Funms answers.
"You know how she likes to be with her boys all the time now.." I tell Funms.

"Then what are you coming here for?" Tems asks slyly.
"Some benefit for hubby. Decided to join him last minute. Can't pass up the oppurtunity to play dress up now can I?" Funms explains.

"But Funms, we were supposed to have dinner tomorrow and discuss.." I whine into the phone.
"Ehn I know Fabs, I know. But I have a better proposition for you girls."
"It better involve a holiday." Temie groans into the phone.

"Well not exactly. But first we need to get Bumight on the phone."
"I spoke to her earlier, she should be in surgery." Temie says.
"Yah I left a message for her to call me back. The nurse said it should only be a few more...Oh here she is now...hold on."

Click

"Whatever idea Funms has, I hope it involves some kind of holiday" I say.
"I hope it involves some Nigerian men we can hook you up with." Temie says without missing a beat.

Click

"Temie! Is it not time for you to get off this girls case?" Bumight says into the phone.
"Help me tell her jo."
"But wait eyin gels, shey you people don't think it is time for her to..."
"Temie you will have all the time you want to harass her. Leave her for now." Funms interjects.

"Yes ladies whats up?" Bumight says.
"How was surgery Doc?" I ask Bumight. "Save another life?"
"Mehn..for a second there we almost lost the poor little boy. But thank God..I stayed awake in med school."
"Hahahaha Ejo e ko." Its not your fault. Temie says. "Hows Wande doing, Bumight?"
"He's fine o. We are thinking of taking a second honeymoon sef."
"Second ke? Some people havent even taken the first one" Temite points out.
"Me I dont know what you are talking about." I add.


"Ok o girls, I know we have all been having a rough few weeks..." Funms cuts us off.
"Except you that has been on her honeymoon.." I interject.

"Like I was saying..." Funms continues pointedly."We have all been stressed so I was wondering if you guys could take a few days off to go to..Venice? All expense paid. Uh?"

"Ve-kini? how exactly is this trip going to happen in a few days?" I ask. "And you forget we are all on different time zones.."
"How did I know you will say that? The engineer. Always calculating and recaculating. Its not a problem...Hubby is letting us use the jet and.." Funms explains
"Im down. I'll just reassign my surgeries. But it can ONLY be a few days o! Anything else?" Bumight asks before she can finish.

"Nope. Will day after tomorrow work for you Doc?" Funms asks.
"Sure thing. See you ladies later."
Click

"Wait.What just happened Funms?" Temie asks."Did you just offer to take us to Venice for a few days?"
"Yep. Prolly not more than 48 hours, seeing as we are all really busy... "

"Im down o! I was just making sure I heard correct ni. Not a problem" Temie says.

"You are sure the boys and the UN will survive without you?" Funms asks.

"They will be just fine I was taking next week off anyways..." Temie adds.
"Cool. Fabs you nko?" Funms asks me.
"Im still trying to figure out how exactly this trip is going to happen.." I tell Funms.

Again I can hear Funms roll her eyes at me. They seem to do that alot.

"Ok here is how it will work eh Fabs? Tems and I will leave NY in the morning day after tomorrow, sometime around 9 maybe Tems?" Funms asks.

"That works Funms..." Temie answers.
"We will pick Bumight up about 10 ish, refuel and head to Lagos to get you. That should put us there about 6 am your time. We refuel and head out. Should be in Venice by lunch. Again I will have to check with the pilot sha. But does that sound good to you?" Funms asks me.

Sounds like she already had it all planned out.

"Err..sure..Guess I'll see you ladies in a few days." I answer.

"Oh and dnt bother to pack any bags, we are going SHOPPING!" Funms adds.

"Venice here we come. Alright ladies its homework time for the boys. See yu later muuaaahhh."
"Bye Tems."
"Bye Temie."

"So? Sound good to you engineer?"
"Sounds perfect Funms. See you later."
"No problem babes."

I hang up the phone and marvel at the girls. Nothing like a chat with the BFFs to lighten up a girls day.
The intercom buzzes.
"I said no calls Stella!"
"Its the technicians from the Accra plant ma."

Sigh.....I guess I'm going to Venice with the girls then.

xxx
Fabulo-la