Me. And then Some.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn this year, is that not every friend is a 'friend-forever'.
Its a little painful when you realize though, that some people have absolutely no more use in your life.
Maybe once upon a time, you were sure you would be friends for lifetimes to come. But then they just dropped off the face of your earth and somehow... you can't pick up where you left off.

Earlier this year, I asked God to remove 'dead-weight' friends from my life. You know, those people that are not adding anything at all. I only just realized, he totally did.
I thought of a certain someone today, and sadly I know that if we ever crossed paths again it just wouldn't be the same. I almost miss them but...

'Im sorry I'm late but I'm hungry'
were his words as he stood at my door
sweat glistening on his chocolate body
even though the sun was long gone.

How could I resist those eyes? Or that smile?
For what seemed like forever, we stood there
the chemistry so strong, it sent electrical charges to my brain
causing my pulse to quicken so fast, I had to gasp to catch up.

He pleaded with his eyes for me to let him in
Little did he know I was already calculating
what food to give him that will ensure
the shortest route from his stomach to his heart.

As I placed the bowl of steaming amala and ewedu
in front of him, his lips mouthed the words 'thank you'
Though I couldn't really hear cause I was imagining what
those lips would feel like. On my skin.

Cause you see, they'd been there before.
Soft lips, that caused my body to convulse every time he kissed me.
Soft lips that temporarily caused amnesia when they touched mine.
Soft lips that were a breath away, yet so far.

I watched as he ate wondering what had gotten him
so hungry that he would wolf down such a heavy meal
at such an odd hour, and how did I even find the
strength to turn this amala this night?

After he was done eating he smiled a warm smile
and said 'Thank you' and in what seemed like slow motion
He got up and kissed me on the cheek.
The cartwheels in my stomach were going at 220mph.

But it wasnt really slow motion
And he didnt really kiss my cheek
But what he said was,
'Thanks I gotta get back to my girlfriends house'.




Fiction. Or is it? I wonder...
xxx
Fabulo-la

I am a prisoner of the words in my head
I start to speak,
But the words betray me.
Afraid of what they might do.
Afraid that the words will
Expose me.
Expose my mind.
Leave me
Vulnerable.

I am a prisoner of the words in my head.
I start to speak
But I say something else.
Afraid that you will see my words
For what they really are.
Not just words.
But me.
Me in a way you've never seen before.
Me, in all my fear,
In all my weakness.
Me, open.
Not hiding under the shield that is silence,
Not hiding under blank expressions.
Cause you see, even my expressions betray me.

I am a prisoner of the words in my head.
Afraid to speak,
yet writing this for you to see.

Finally I think have found a template I can deal with.
I miss the green though, but this red..
This red speaks to me. I cant explain it.
Makes me just want to pour out my heart to it.
Give myself to it.
Yes, the color makes me do that.

NiceAnon, I miss the happy-go-lucky-gist-giving Fabulo-la too.
But she has been drained a little this semester.
Ive thrown myself so much into school and writing, there doesnt seem to be anything left.
So gist seems to come unnoticed these days.
Abi you want to hear about my sugaring experience this past weekend?
Lets just say I know why the guys TOTALLY advocate for TOTAL hair removal.
You cant blame them sha.
I was feeling very pleased with myself when the woman kept saying 'its organic, its organic, its organic'.
I know Aunty Juicee will be very proud of me abi?

Out of my reality
I needed to go
Out of my reality I went
Escape was temporary
Escape was shortlived
Escape was useless.

Back in my reality I am
And in my reality I will stay.
Why fret?
HE is here, in my reality.
HE is my reality.
What are you worried about?
He can be your reality too.




At least that is what he said



xxx
Fabulo-la

My mind is blind
To the words in my head

My heart is deaf
To the words that I hear

My soul is longing
For the words that I feel

My body is trembling
at the words that you speak.

This just popped into my head. I have no idea what it means.
Or why its even there sef.

Been dealing with blogger
And bloody templates since morning.

My head cant wrap around it.
Now I done gone and messed up my blog.

Im sick of all the math and calculations
Will I really be calculating the area of a hyperbolic triangle at work???

Communication, communication ,communication.
I think communication ~= actions. (Approximately equal to)
No?
Not that words are useless, just that actions speak louder.
So therefore, take note of what I do, not what Im NOT saying.

(Lovers) - (Friends) = ?
(Lovers* Friends) - (Lovers) = ?

After this woman's pet chimp attacked her,
you think she will get another chimp as a pet?
What if after the attack she decided to give the chimp another chance?

Human beings nko?
I mean they do as much damage to our hearts lives hearts
yet we let THE SAME people back in.

Are we not inviting trouble to lie with us?

I bet you think this post is about you, dont you?
I thought you would.

Love is a four letter word. But so is Fuck. That. Shit. -Bubbles

xoxo

Fabulo-la

This week has been a .... weird one to say the least.
I didn't run away, I swear.
I was just ... thinking?
Well remember I had an epiphany a while ago?
I kinda forgot about it for a while after that.
And then, I read 'Half a Yellow Sun'.
Apart from realizing how ignorant I am about many of the affairs of my own country,
(I have resolved to change that by all means)
I found myself wondering, 'would I give my life for my country?'

I do not mean dying.
Well not in the physical sense anyways
More like, would I give it all to fight to make a difference for the sake of my country?
All of a sudden I remembered the epiphany.
This time it came back to me
The image was so vivid and haunting
I could feel my ribcage constrict as my throat threatened to cut of my air supply.
The passion came back so strong,
It gave me goosebumps, but I could clearly feel the fire inside me.
It still does. I still can.
Its intimidating.
I cried.
My 10-year-plan just did a U-turn.
But how? I don't know how to do this
I was NOT trained to do this.
I am afraid to talk about this
They say there are dream killers everywhere
But I HAVE to do this
And I don't know how
My heart is bleeding at the thought of what lays ahead of me
I am scared shitless.



"Ask not what your country can do for you, rather what you can do for your country." - JFK