This week has been a .... weird one to say the least.
I didn't run away, I swear.
I was just ... thinking?
Well remember I had an epiphany a while ago?
I kinda forgot about it for a while after that.
And then, I read 'Half a Yellow Sun'.
Apart from realizing how ignorant I am about many of the affairs of my own country,
(I have resolved to change that by all means)
I found myself wondering, 'would I give my life for my country?'

I do not mean dying.
Well not in the physical sense anyways
More like, would I give it all to fight to make a difference for the sake of my country?
All of a sudden I remembered the epiphany.
This time it came back to me
The image was so vivid and haunting
I could feel my ribcage constrict as my throat threatened to cut of my air supply.
The passion came back so strong,
It gave me goosebumps, but I could clearly feel the fire inside me.
It still does. I still can.
Its intimidating.
I cried.
My 10-year-plan just did a U-turn.

I want to do this. To make a difference.
Are you kidding me?
I have to.
I. Just. Have. To.
Even if I die trying.
That is how strongly I feel right now.

But how? I don't know how to do this
I was NOT trained to do this.
I am afraid to talk about this
They say there are dream killers everywhere
But I HAVE to do this
And I don't know how
My heart is bleeding at the thought of what lays ahead of me
I am scared shitless.

But I know one thing for a fact
I love my country
And I'll be damned if i don't spend my life trying to make it better.

I wrote this while I was reading 'Half Yellow Sun'
I think I was still in the romantic mood
which kinda explains the way it is written


I have a love.
A consecrated lover.
I do not know if she still loves me.
Years ago I ran away
I abandoned my lover
I wanted a more experienced lover
That would caress my mind
And stimulate my passion
And now, now
I want my lover back
I have missed her
I have seen that no love is as strong as
The love my lover gave me, those years when I rejected her
When she called out to me
But I turned my heart away
Because I thought she could not give me what I needed.
Someone please tell my love
That I am sorry
That I have been made wiser by our time away
Tell my lover
That I will nurse her wounds
And use my sweat and blood
To nurture her to health
Tell her that I will give her my right hand if hers fails her
Tell her that I am ready to give my life to her
Tell her that I will give my life
For our children, so that there will be children
She has suffered enough.
Tell her, that I am coming back
And that I still love her
Tell her
I love her even more.

Somebody tell Nigeria that I love her


"Ask not what your country can do for you, rather what you can do for your country." - JFK

Comments (40)

On August 14, 2009 at 1:57 AM , Rene said...

first?

 
On August 14, 2009 at 1:58 AM , Rene said...

yay! i'm first...
here me shout it
FIRST!!!!!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 2:01 AM , bob-ij said...

Nice piece! I will let her know you love her! umm 3rd~
x!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 2:03 AM , Suru said...

Nigeria knows that you love her and you didn't really abandon her. It's not our fault that the country is the way it is and we all want to help but first we have to help ourselves and be successful so that we can help her... I wish I could write poems like you lol pls check out my blog

 
On August 14, 2009 at 2:04 AM , Rene said...

the poem is so sweet....i love.
I hate dream killer...I want to make a difference.
Gidi all the way!!!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 2:09 AM , Tinu said...

that was soo nice!!!
we should all try to make a difference!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 2:14 AM , Nice Anon said...

Nice poem you have there miss.
I loved that book and I enjoyed every bit of time i spent reading it.

 
On August 14, 2009 at 3:24 AM , akaBagucci said...

......Nice book - my flat mate bought copy after he read mine, nice poem too - I think you've got real talent, nice dream for Nigeria - may I add that just a little pragmatism is also required ......in addition to you undoubted passion.......

 
On August 14, 2009 at 4:13 AM , Naija bad boi.... said...

nice...am guessing we share d same views...lotsa ppl say dey just wanna be comfortable...and married ...have kids...blah blah blah...me, i wanna impact my nation...watch out y'all, i'm gonna write my name in the history of this nation!
not naija bad boi ooo...my real name...lol

 
On August 14, 2009 at 4:17 AM , The Girl with the Red Hair said...

nice poem, Chimamda is one of Naija's finest writer.

Nice plans you have for Nigeria and hope you get to do it.

 
On August 14, 2009 at 5:13 AM , Temite said...

OH MY DARLING!
I am sooooo GLAD to read this. THis has made my day....my week...my year sef. I am soooo proud of your decision. I had this same epiphany Junior year in college. I changed my major to Political science from Constitutional Law. and now I am getting my mastrs in Public administration (how to run a country, the President of Liberia who is doing brilliant things by the way is a MPA as well). and I have spent my summer in Nigeria, working my ass off to try and get basic health care for our country. basically, my point is YOU CAN DO IT! YES YOU CAN. Dont EVER let anyone talk you into changing your dream. Our country needs all the help it can get and I am VERY proud of you! XOXO. Let me know if you need any help whatsoever. I am sooo glad!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 6:06 AM , david said...

I ABOLUTELY LOVE THIS, THE POEM MOST ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IT SAYS A LOT ABOUT HOW I FEEL. MY FIR ARTICLE ON MY BLOG WAS ABOUT NIGERIA

IT'S TITLED: LIGHTUP NIGERIA (IF U WANNA READ IT)

AND I DID POST ANOTHER ONE AGAIN WHEN I GOT SOME DISTURBING NEWS ABOUT A PARTICULAR DIPLOMATIC SITUATION.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT BUT I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES US (THOSE WILLIN TO MAKE POSITIVE IMPACTS) THE GRACE, POWER, CONNECTIONS WISDOM AND RESOURCES TO DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO.

KEEP THE PASSION ALIVE AND LET THE FIRE BURN!!!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 7:27 AM , ~Sirius~ said...

I hope together we all can turn our country around.

 
On August 14, 2009 at 8:23 AM , leggy said...

awwww....i loved the poem...that was darnnn nice.
and yup,nigeria needs more people who can help not people who talk her down..i always try and focus on the good side of nigeria and try not to say all that thrash people say like it can never be well nd ish cos my dad used to tell me all the time that 'noone reaps good of the country one curses'.peeps dont know that the things they say are one of the things killing that country.

 
On August 14, 2009 at 10:06 AM , Bubbles said...

I really liked the poem.!
I really did.!
I try to write poems about Nigeria as well
so people realize that I love my country muchely
I thought half of a yellow sun was a brilliant book

 
On August 14, 2009 at 10:17 AM , Nwanyi said...

I love you fabulo-la...lol..that poem was brilliant...

wow..your late..I read half of a yellow sun like a year ago! lol..I love Adichie and I cried because I finally understood what my mum is always going on about when she talks about the war...I cried because people can be cruel and in a manner that is senseless to me.

I cannot say I will die fro Nigeria...I love the ordinary people their resilience but the country has been ruined...by a few heartless bastards in power and this has made my life worse and it is the reason increasing numbers of Nigerians are leaving...it's too damn hard to live in Nigeria! Imagine..a graduate searching for a job for five, six years when they have a brilliant degree oh! or a couple that worked in a comapany for 17 years (my parents) finding their salaries suddenly stopped without any consideration to how they were supposed to survive...

I lovee JFK but I have to disagree..because if I was black in America during the Vietnam war I wouldn't want to do ANYTHING for 'my' country that has made my life nothing but miserable..full of humiliation and distress...when they were capable of not being so bloody cruel and ignorant..

and as a Nigerian now, if you tell me to fight for Nigeria I will refuse because even though I am proud to be Nigerian it is only because of the rich cultural inheritance..nothing else..because it is a corrupt place now..without care for the people.

Yes, I would like to reverse the damage but the scars of the past will always remain...

So why should I be passionate?

In fact, I am biafran.

Sorry about the long arse comment lol...I seem to be doing a lot of these lately..

 
On August 14, 2009 at 11:03 AM , N.I.M.M.O said...

And here I am standing and giving you a loud ovation after reading that poem. Powerful.

@Nwanyi: How can you love the people and not love the country? Who is the country?

 
On August 14, 2009 at 11:36 AM , Nwanyi said...

I love the ordinary people's spirit of fighting back and struggling but the people in power have ruined the country...and they are the ones that are seen as significant when it comes to Nigeria.

 
On August 14, 2009 at 11:58 AM , Fabulo-la said...

Oh wow guys.
Im overwhelmed by the responses. I wasnt even sure about the poem, but I put it there anyways cause I was beginning to get emotional..

@N.I.M.M.O: I am humbled.

@Nwanyi:U are def right abt the people in power ruining it. But I believe that if we as individuals did our part no matter how small, that maybe all we need to set the wheels of change in motion. U love the people, but u do realise that it is the people that make the country? No matter how much we try, we cannot erase the scars but we can show that will a little effort and a lot of hope some day, somehow things will look up. At least we can show that there are still a few good people left. Right?

 
On August 14, 2009 at 12:22 PM , Fabulo-la said...

@Bubbles: Thanks. Trust me if I can do it, you can too..lol

@leggy: Thanks we def need more optimistic people.

@~Sirius~: I hope so too..I really do.

@David: Amen o! Thank you so much

@Temite: Oh wow..Im happy I made ur day. LOOONG ass email coming right up!
lol

@Girl with the Red Hair: Thank you I hope i do as well.

@NBB: I hope so too o!

@Danny: That is what Im trying to figure out now, and I must say its overwhelming just thinking about it.

@Nice: Thank you

@Tinu: We should really. but the reality is that not all of us want to sadly. I have come to respect that.

@Renesugarplumsweetness: Thank you. I hope we can all do it. I REALLY do...

@bob-ij: Thank you for letting her know....

 
On August 14, 2009 at 3:21 PM , Repressed One said...

Oh wow! That's all i can say really...Wow!!

Good for you...i could feel the emotion in the words i read. I pray you the grace and strength to do that which has been spoken to your hearts.

This is deep...wow!

 
On August 14, 2009 at 3:22 PM , Repressed One said...

*heart

 
On August 14, 2009 at 8:30 PM , RocNaija said...

The post reeked of passion..

The audacity of hope?

 
On August 14, 2009 at 9:27 PM , BSNC said...

i enjoyed reading this post and i totally heart your poem, wish i could write like that. I am geting there....

 
On August 14, 2009 at 9:45 PM , miss.fab said...

Like this a lot. Haven't read that book yet... Looking forward to it though

 
On August 15, 2009 at 7:51 AM , Buttercup said...

Aww wow..such passion! I feel somewhat ashamed :(. Good luck turning your dreams into a reality. I absolutely love JFK! If I could kill his killer(s) and bring him back to life, I would!

 
On August 15, 2009 at 12:51 PM , Original Mgbeke said...

I absolutely love your writing. My dear, you can do it! Ignore the dream killers...if you feel this drive and urge then just work with your instincts and DO IT.

 
On August 15, 2009 at 7:49 PM , chayoma said...

Such a passionate poem. it should be published oh!
Nigeria knows who haven't abandoned her. She knows you will come back in the end, and she always has her arms open waiting patiently for you.

 
On August 15, 2009 at 8:59 PM , Tay-mee said...

Absolutely loved this. Sometimes I feel the same way too. I love that JFK quote as well.

 
On August 15, 2009 at 11:08 PM , Naughty Eyes said...

Epiphanies... Don't we have them all? Unlike you however, I find myself hoping less and less in this country with each passing moment. I just hope that "something" - patriotism perhaps - rekindles the spark.

Your poem was fab by the way. And as for Chimamnda's book, despite my love for her writing and all, reading it seems to elude me...

 
On August 16, 2009 at 8:26 AM , Tisha said...

i love Nigeria too
i am glad
to know i am not the only
one who loves her.

 
On August 16, 2009 at 4:19 PM , Feral Female said...

Wow. I am not just saying this, this poem is spectacular. I am more than impressed. It is absolutely amazing.

I have to admit I skimmed through a little until I read about 'dying for your country'. The poem was more than worth while.

Wow, again wow.

I really think that this should be published, such a great analogy, and I read 'Half of a yellow sun' too and I sure wasn't writing pieces of art like this.

Wow.

I haven't read a poem I truly enjoyed in such a long time.

 
On August 16, 2009 at 8:09 PM , Anonymous Igbo human said...

Knock knock knock. Is anybody there? That's me banging on your cranium. Die for your country? Whats that rubbish? Like seriously? I know some of us are romanticists and are wound up tight with passion and all that but die for your country? Seriously?

(BIG RED NEON SIGN) "What value is there in a line?" If I drew a line in the sand how much are you willing to sacrifice for it? I know I wouldn't sacrifice my oldest pair of boxers for a line in the sand. And to think you are talking about making the highest sacrifice for a line that's only in your mind. Totally imaginary.

A bunch of white faced blue eyed dudes who have engineered and enforced a value system of their own with money at the very top all come together and conspire to make more money. For this purpose, they draw up an imaginary line in the sand. They Call it Nigeria. They tell you there is only one exit, through their embassies with their permission. How do you react to these shackles placed on you wrists? These man made rules forced upon you for their benefit? You start empathising to the extreme with everyone within your imaginary boundary to the point of considering some sort of Jesus style suicide just because you happen to share some immediate geography? Thereby submitting to their deception and playing your role in their scheme.

Question. How about dying for Ghana? Oh no no no. That's outside my imaginary line given to me by my superiors. Chad nko? Outside!

Abeg wake the fuck up.

Babe. Look at the big picture and recognise it for what it is. We all are a common specie spinning around a huge nuclear furnace. We all share the third rock from the sun. The system of ideas you subscribe to that identifies a piece of land on that rock as "Nigeria" is nothing but a symptom of institutionalized greed. Synthetic rules designed to steer wealth to a few. A side effect of sinister intent. How can you even consider dying for that? Eh? Omoge? Omoge?

Well even if you choose to, you should at least recognize it for what it is. Dying because a bunch of white guys wan make moni. Its only less elaborate but similar in essence to dying in support of some internet cafe dedicated to yahooze email scam.

 
On August 17, 2009 at 10:47 AM , BlackVoltron said...

what's anonymous igbo human talking about it's cos we're all comfortable in our little niches that Nigeria is the way it is.
I can afford to fuel my generator so when there's no light its not my problem...
i can afford to send my kids to schools abroad so when ASUU goes on strike its okay........
i think its he who needs a reality check.

@fabulola great piece if only we all had a teeny weeny bit of passion for our country maybe it'll all be different..

 
On August 18, 2009 at 7:00 AM , QMoney said...

hi dear,thanks for your message.i appreciate it.
i will "die" to ensure the health sector of this country is made right.too many people are dying daily UNNECESSARILY.
Now i understand Dora's pain and y she fought tooth and nail against fake drugs after it killed her sibling

 
On August 21, 2009 at 3:19 AM , Funms-the rebirth said...

whats with this anon igbo person?
great poem and i like ur passion to make a difference. there r so many ways to do it esp in aspects that really matter to us too. having visited, i have become more aware of how i wanna make a change,.... the key is actually doing it...
you can too, u just have to figure out how

 
On August 21, 2009 at 10:29 AM , Nice Anon said...

@ Funms:that's how ppl lose their minds in our very before.

Update da?

 
On August 23, 2009 at 1:09 PM , Mz. Eniola said...

im reading the book now :) herd its real gud! deep words!im thinking of wat i can do in d long run too

 
On August 28, 2009 at 5:33 AM , ManCee said...

Nigeria,
Oh! Naija mama
Like a lover who loves
With the whole of her being
Yet do her loved ones
her children
Take all from her
Give nothing in return
Still she willingly gives
year after year
government after government
hoping against hope
That perhaps
today her children will stop
to consider her love
...and realise that

"The greatest thing
you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return"

 
On August 31, 2009 at 8:23 AM , Miss Lowlah said...

I just read that book too and I had tears in my eyes. It had pretty much the same effect on me as it did on you. The fact that real people actually went through this... in my own country. Such evil. I want to do something too, I have ideas. Some will help others and some will help us. We should talk.