Me. And then Some.

Ha ha ha. Is this a joke?
"Im real sorry babe. It was never my intention to hurt you." -Excuse me? He doesn't want to hurt me? Yet here he is, telling he doesn't love me anymore? He loves her? HER?
Ha ha ha. This is a joke. Yea it is.
Click.
When he sleeps on it, his mind will clear and he'll call and apologise.
He has to.
Ha ha ha.

~Denial~
He cant mean it. He is really breaking up with me? Over her? For her?
No. No. No!
He cant. I wont let him.
"Oh please baby...after everything we've been through...its been 3 years...we can get through this..we've gotten through worse..."
I plead with him like a helpless child.
"Please..." I whisper. He gives me a stern look.
"Im sorry babe, but its over." With that he leaves my apartment. Not even good bye.
"Nooo! Babe please!" I wail after him.
"Dont leave me!"
I cant believe it. He is really leaving me. My mind cant wrap around it. My heart can't take it. Its not strong enough. I clutch my chest at the pain that i feel.
"Dont leave me!"



~Depression~
Its been a week. I haven't moved from the mess that is my bed. My eyes are sore from weeping. My chest hurts from the pain in my heart. My nose is running and I haven't bothered to clean it. Let it run. Let   it run. Let the mucus drip and soak my bed and clothes. What difference will it make?
My heart is broken. My world is crashing, and I have no way to stop it.

~Anger~
Everything pisses me off. The heifer in the back of the class slapping the gum with her tongue. The foolish junior in the lab that can't crystallize the damn silicon to the right size. The incompetent teaching assistant that cant explain a simple absorption column. What the f**k is wrong in the world? is everyone trying to piss me off on purpose???
Oh I know what it is. It is all HIS f**king fault. Oh yea, it is. It certainly is.
If he thinks, he can just walk into my life, love me like a woman, and then just leave me?
Oh, he has GOT to be mistaken.


~Rage~
Ha ha. Look at his pathetic self. Holding her like she is the most precious thing in the world.
Whore. Too engrossed in each other to even notice they are being followed.
Not like they'll know its even me anyways, disquised in the largest pants and the biggest hoodie I could find in the college bookstore. I look like a gangster from the south side of town. I would scare myself if I wasn't so distracted by my mission.
Yes my mission. I was going to attack the bitch and maybe re-arrange her face a little.
But that would mean assault and battery. Not sure how a criminal record would look on my PhD applications. But then again, it might add that little pazzaz I need to get in you know?
Well maybe to a psych program. Not sure the Chemical Engineering departments would find it amusing. I had thought of making a mixture and mailing it to her apartment, but then..they would trace it back to me. No. Then I would be put on the 'no fly' list and..No.
I'll just settle for destroying the most important thing to him.
His precious little sports car.
I walk to where he parked Elise. Yea.
His precious 2007 Nissan 350z, that he has been working on, and fixing up for the last 2 years. Oh yea..
"Poor Elise..." I whisper as I finger the length of her.
"Poor girl." I say as I put my cheek to the hood as if listening to her heartbeat. All 6 cylinders of her.
"Im real sorry babe. No hard feelings" I say. With that, I climb onto Elise and with one swift practiced motion, I swing.
And then I can't stop.
I had meant to just take out his windscreen, but why stop there? All the windows, the mirrors. And tires. The adrenalin rush is exhilarating. The seats.
Heaving, I stop. I think its enough.
He will NEVER forget.
"Im really sorry Elise." With that I drop the bat. And walk away. Smiling.

~Acceptance~