...or is it?
At what point do my decisions start being mine?
And stop being theirs?
At what point can I say
'Screw it! Im doing what I want, not what you think is best'?
At what point do I stop sucking it up,
and take that leap of faith into what could possibly be a pot of HOT oil?

I might as well suck it up for another 365 days.
After all I already sucked it up for the last... 2,192 days.
Really what difference will 365 make now?
Shebi I will be learning something in the process?
If I dont like it, well no knowledge is lost...right?

But what if that 365...slowly becomes another...2192?
Will I have lost myself then?

'Dont bite the hand that feeds you'
The one that is offering the food you dont necessarily want to eat nko?
Even if the food is good for you?

Will it really kill me to not eat it?
or will it kill me to eat it?

Lord what do I do?


Comments (21)

On June 2, 2010 at 9:15 AM , Evee said...

You have done the right thing by asking Him. Whatever it is, I hope you make a decision for you and that you are happy with it.
It is well

On June 2, 2010 at 9:20 AM , Tisha said...

cool it...

I don't have any advise for you but sometimes the best things your friends can do is listen and not say anything.

On June 2, 2010 at 9:49 AM , Omotee! said...

its ur life, do it (the right thing)
you'll be fine

On June 2, 2010 at 9:59 AM , neefemi said...

i think you are an adult now and you have to be able to tell them what you want to do without having it be a fight. tell them what you want to do, how u want to do it , why you want to do it and give them a timeline - thats the rational approach. above all make sure what you want to do is in accordance with Gods will, that way he will clear your path for you & make it easy. you pray about everything you need to pray about this to, that he opens their ears and heart...ok now i'm preaching....much love hon

On June 2, 2010 at 10:23 AM , ~Sirius~ said...

you are VERY near the end.


That door is closer than you think.

You'll survive sweetie.

On June 2, 2010 at 10:44 AM , Nutty J. said...

Hey...its your life. Do not let the good or bad opinion of others shape your life. Shape it the way you want listening only to God and your conscience.

Dare to be different girl...that is the only way you can make an impact.

On June 2, 2010 at 11:36 AM , Naijalines said...

I can sooo relate to this, having made a difficult decision recently. Sometimes you have to bite Cos you HAVE to. What's the point of life if we cannot take risks. It's the whole point. It's a journey. We leap, we learn, we learn to leap faster and safer. All the best.

On June 2, 2010 at 11:50 AM , T.Notes said...

Think at some point we do gotta "bite the hand that feeds". Its the point of liberation, n its somewhat a necessary rite of passage. i.e, in order to be able to take future n bigger leaps of faith.

I always say, even if it turns out to be a stupid decision, at least it was "my" decision; i'll live with it.

N really, "what if that 365...slowly becomes another...2192?". I choose to start living life now. Go with Heart--moreso when rightly rooted in God. Preach it T.Notes!

On June 2, 2010 at 6:12 PM , Mwajim Al said...

Tough decisions... If sucking it up a little bit more is a sure way to your independent freedom, then the means justifies the end.

On June 2, 2010 at 9:33 PM , 2cute4u said...

Can't say much except that if you feel the need to be free, please, I beg you, do not hesitate to do just that. That said, Please do take care and try to be happy. Happy new month

On June 3, 2010 at 3:18 AM , SHE said...

Default answer would have been: Do what makes you happy.
But sometimes, You need to consider other people...and do what makes them happy. If their happiness matters to you.

On June 3, 2010 at 11:02 AM , Ms.O said...

This is ONE of the things that was bothering me the day I wrote my last post. It is well hun!

On June 3, 2010 at 12:11 PM , Temite said...

At some point...you have to trust yourself...but know that is not easy. You have to grow up...grow a pair of balls...no one wins by stalling. JUST. FREAKING. DO. IT. ALREADY. If You fail, it is not the end of the world...many people have failed and many will fail after you....so LEAP. FUCK IT...JUST LEAP and you might just soar.

You know I love you...I just had to communicate this without my customary silk gloves (pats self in the back)...walks away...Good deed of the day DONE. :)

On June 3, 2010 at 4:31 PM , leggy said...

do whatever YOU want to do...just trust yourself, you hardly go wrong doing that.

On June 3, 2010 at 11:35 PM , doug said...

This post reeks of parent-related anger. Take it easy mate. Ahoy! freedom on the horizon! :)

On June 4, 2010 at 5:21 AM , T.Notes said...

LOL@Temite's "...(pats self in the back)...walks away...Good deed of the day DONE. :)..."

On June 4, 2010 at 6:04 AM , Miss FlyHigh said...

When the Lord answers your Q at the end .... then make the move ... all the best hun

On June 4, 2010 at 7:32 AM , funkola said...

leap of faith babe...if it's all wrong then it is...but u dont wanna wish u took it.

On June 4, 2010 at 8:01 AM , 政儒 said...


On June 6, 2010 at 1:35 PM , Miss Natural said...

cosign totally with Evie. have you come to a decision?

On June 11, 2010 at 9:12 PM , mizchif said...

*le sigh* i can relate with this post line after line and even between the lines sef.

We continue to pray for guidance and courage to take the leap if it is meant to be.