You are sitting in your apartment minding your own business, watching some mindless television. A re-run of Friends or the latest gory episode of Family Guy. Doesn't really matter, point is you are minding your own business. All of a sudden there is a knock on your door, and the two strangest people walk in.

One is a woman. An ugly old woman, that is green from head to toe. She has green straggly hair, a face so wrinkled she gives the old woman that lives in her shoe a run for her money. Her eyes are a deep piercing green, and her teeth are crooked and she is missing the two incisor teeth. She walks with a green cane that looks like it will give out any second. Surprisingly she is wearing a green trench coat. Its surprising because the coat is something you would pick out. It has a military inspired collar and a belt that would cinch your waist perfectly.

The other is a man, and it looks like his facial features are in the wrong places. His nose is high way up the top of his head, pointing in the air. His eyes are way down below where his nose should be, obstructing his view. He is wearing a vest with waist pants and a pocket watch that make him look like he just stepped out of 1920's England. Even with his mis-aligned facial feature, he still has a 'I'm better than you look on his face'. Ok now.

Just by looking at them, you already know who they are. You have been entertaining their presence for a while now, you just didnt know it.
"Yes? Hello, can I help you?" You mutter.
Help us? Why no child. We are here for you." green woman mutters, saliva falling from her mouth as she speaks.
You see, you've been entertaining the thought of us for so long, we figured we might as well drop by and introduce ourselves. Right Judy?" she asks her companion.

Judy, with his head lifted so he could see me clearly and his nose higher in the air snorts in response.

"Excuse my friend, he just feels he has better things to do."
"What do you want with me"
you ask, a little sheepish and scared that these people sought you out.
"Well you see, I have come to give you this green coat Im wearing, seeing as you have already been thinking like me." She answers.

"What do you mean?" You ask.
"Sweetheart, you think we dont know? Everytime you look at a girl that has a flashier car than you, and you think to yourself 'What has he done to deserve that car? I should have a car like that.' You are entertaining us, dont you know?" She replies.
"Lemme explain to you" she says sending drops of saliva flying everywhere.
"Do you remember when that girl changed her phone for the 4th time this month? And you were wondering how, why, and where she was getting the money from? And when that guy, who seemingly does nothing, at all has all this money to spend, traveling everywhere anytime he likes, buying anything he wants? Yes you remember? Well there was a look in your eye, a scowl on ur face, and your nose was turned up. It was at that moment i just KNEW I, I mean we had to come visit."

She glanced at Judy who was siting on the edge of the sofa, legs crossed with a disgusted scowl on his face.
"You know, Im too good for this Ginny. I really should not be here." Ginny ignored him focusing on me.
"This coat is for you" she said taking off her fabulous green coat and handing it to you.

"Go on, try it on" She insists. You hesitate for a moment. But just for a moment, because as soon as she had walked in that door, you had already imagined the coat on you.
You gingerly slip into the coat, careful to savor the moment as imagine how fabulous you will look in it.

Looking down at yourself, you have to say it is fabulous.
"Take a look in the mirror" she insists pushing you towards the full length mirror in your kitchen. As you step in front of the mirror you are amazed by what you see. The coat is even more fabulous than you imagined.

But wait, something else is happening. Wrinkles are appearing on your face. Visible, noticeable wrinkles around your eyes, on your hands. But wait, its not all, your nose has moved positions! Its in the air just like Judy's. Judy seems to crack a smile at the horror that has over come you. But wait, its not all, something else is happening.
Slowly, just slowly, your skin is turning green. Not a nice shade of green, but puke green.
Your hands, your face, your eyes....

-Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things.
-Let us walk properly...not in strife and envy.
-You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

Don't let the green eyed monster get you!


Comments (23)

On March 31, 2010 at 12:57 AM , neefemi said...

now that right there is all kinds of fabulous....what what??? i love this

On March 31, 2010 at 1:32 AM , Suru said...

I kinda knew where this was going so it ruined the surprise for me but great lesson nonetheless. As Shakespare wrote:
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.

On March 31, 2010 at 2:02 AM , Myne Whitman said...

Fabs is back, I liked this very mnuch! Jealously is an ugly one indeed.

On March 31, 2010 at 2:03 AM , iphyigbogurl said...

when i started reading at first i was like ..shuo? green woman ke?
took me a while to get it.

love it.

On March 31, 2010 at 2:35 AM , Fragilelooks said...

green is my favorite colour. so i was sold with d womans descriptn in hope for sumtn pleasant and nice. bt NO. NICE ONE

On March 31, 2010 at 3:32 AM , Nutty J. said...

Nice one...

On March 31, 2010 at 4:28 AM , kay9 said...

Me likey.

On March 31, 2010 at 6:22 AM , RocNaija said...

And the question still remains.. "Why haven't you got a spy-hole?"

On March 31, 2010 at 9:38 AM , Rene said...

You just my fav color into....puke!
I love this......a lot!

On March 31, 2010 at 10:09 AM , The Girl with the Red Hair said...

Me like it...Fabs is back.

On March 31, 2010 at 10:16 AM , Repressed One said...

Haha!! Nice one!!

On March 31, 2010 at 11:28 AM , sweetness said...

Amazingly fab!
this is one great post dear
nicely put

On March 31, 2010 at 12:00 PM , Harry-Rami Itie said...

This is an amazing post... You couldn't have said it any better

On March 31, 2010 at 12:27 PM , shorty said...

Well written.

On March 31, 2010 at 1:45 PM , sosexy said...

This is so cool.Couldn't stop reading till I got to the end.First time here..Hope to be back.

On March 31, 2010 at 3:29 PM , Mwajim Al said...

Nice way of portrayal. Yup, covetousness unchecked can get the best of us.

On March 31, 2010 at 6:21 PM , Sugarking said...

Dopeness!!!! I wish I had written this, honestly!!!

On March 31, 2010 at 6:27 PM , CerebrallyBusy said...


On March 31, 2010 at 10:43 PM , mizchif said...


On April 1, 2010 at 9:48 AM , Ms.O said...


On April 1, 2010 at 11:04 AM , LucidLilith said...

Nice one!

On April 1, 2010 at 4:50 PM , blogoratti said...

Interesting read...yes!

On April 1, 2010 at 6:21 PM , Midun said...

It took me a minute to grasp but amazing use of personification.