...before I wake
I pray thee Lord, my soul to take.

Thursday night, went to church.
Back home Friday morning.
Same shit. Different day.

Happy New Year.

If 2006 was a painful year,
and in 2008 my heart broke,
In 2009, my heart bled.
The pain I felt was physical.

I have refused to reflect on '09
Because the pain associated with doing that is too much.
The process of growing up is harrowing.

I do not mean to be a kill-joy
I am just seeking the strength to put the year behind me.
Just like you all seem to have done.
Changing the dates alone is not working.

Maybe, just maybe I will be able to come to terms
with the year that was..
Until then...

...If I should die before I wake
I pray dear Lord my soul to take.

xxx
Fabulo-la

Comments (32)

On January 5, 2010 at 5:34 AM , Quaggar said...

Hey dear, u know what? 2010 will be much, much better! Believe it and live it. Whatever it was that made last year bad, is gone with the year. Its time for a fresh new start... a new lease of life.

Do have a Happy New Year, fab. I know you will.

 
On January 5, 2010 at 6:38 AM , Funms-the rebirth said...

sweetie, like i said, everything will be alright...
u got to speak to the year. prophesy to it what u want......hugs darling. it will surely get better......it has to

 
On January 5, 2010 at 7:32 AM , Sassy Trends said...

You will not die...not yet luv...
You will fulfill the number of your days..

 
On January 5, 2010 at 8:10 AM , Harry-Rami Itie said...

Nice one..love it

 
On January 5, 2010 at 10:21 AM , Fragilelooks said...

it's a gr8 new year for us all. live the best. forget the hurt and pain of previous years and focus on the joys of today. real nice one. happi nw year.

 
On January 5, 2010 at 10:43 AM , AIH said...

Fab. You're a strong girl. Adversity is a necessity of life. It is the vitamin water of the spirit. It delivers growth and forges maturity. You need it like a blacksmith needs a fire.

Don't deny yourself this wonderful opportunity to grow because it's accompanied by pain. Reflect on 09 and learn the lessons others who are all smiles have missed out on.

Your pain isn't purposeless. It is the birth pangs of growth in wisdom. Nothing can be more purposeful. Embrace it and grow.

Happy new year.

 
On January 5, 2010 at 10:43 AM , Miss FlyHigh - LondonsNaijaQueen said...

Dear Aunty Fab,

I have missed our Skype convos and I think it needs to continue ASAP.

You know it will b fine!

 
On January 5, 2010 at 10:59 AM , sweetness said...

Hi dear
I have News for you
2010 is your year Fabulola
Its your year of being fabulous
Away with the pain and physical and mental
Your year of being FAB
and experiencing fabulous things
Nothing lasts forever
Much love xoxo

 
On January 5, 2010 at 11:24 AM , HYAW said...

l really love the writing...

 
On January 5, 2010 at 11:53 AM , shorty said...

Happy New Year Dear.

This year would hopefully be a great year.

 
On January 5, 2010 at 3:19 PM , The Girl with the Red Hair said...

The change in date is not what matters but the fact that we get an opportunity to make it right that which was wrong. This is your year to be truly fabulous. Happy new year and you shall not die yet,welcome to a brand new day

 
On January 5, 2010 at 3:38 PM , Myne Whitman said...

Happy New year dear, don't be like this cos you never can say never. Say hello to 2010 and make of it what you will. The world is yous for the taking..

 
On January 5, 2010 at 5:19 PM , Nice Anon said...

I pray that things become clearer to you this year. Amen!

 
On January 5, 2010 at 5:54 PM , Miss Natural said...

sounds fustrating but i pray this year will be one of difference- good difference.

 
On January 5, 2010 at 7:48 PM , neefemi said...

The Lord will be your strength and this year, will be your year of uncommon testimony - God Bless

 
On January 5, 2010 at 9:17 PM , Wifey said...

The year will be what you make it my love!

 
On January 6, 2010 at 12:31 AM , Suru said...

Pele I hope 2010 is better for you.

 
On January 6, 2010 at 2:44 AM , leggy said...

I love reading your stuff,I hope you get better.

 
On January 6, 2010 at 3:26 AM , SHE said...

After darkness comes light, No?

 
On January 6, 2010 at 3:38 AM , RocNaija said...

Dang..
When I grow up, I want to write like you..

 
On January 6, 2010 at 6:09 AM , My World said...

If I didnt sense something amiss,I would have said, lovely and deep.
But I would rather say,I will celebrate with you when it gets better cos it will!!!

 
On January 6, 2010 at 2:26 PM , HeavyFeathers said...

Words out of my heart... Wish u a fabulous Year. In time, only beautiful things remain all else is forgotten.

 
On January 6, 2010 at 9:16 PM , bonnie said...

babes this was deep.
*huuggz*

 
On January 6, 2010 at 9:51 PM , Rene said...

i agree with bonnie...
e-hugs

 
On January 7, 2010 at 8:07 AM , Rita said...

That God kept you till 2010...I am sure HE has something great in store for you. Let your past not be your dwelling place but your library of lessons learnt.

Take a hug for what you went through, if it will ease your pain. I know the pain will go away and you'll come out stronger and refined.

Happy New Year, and I mean it :-)

 
On January 7, 2010 at 11:26 AM , 24yearOldTeEnAgeR said...

..feel you. Just a change of date.'10 Most times though...its not as bad as we think it is. :)

 
On January 9, 2010 at 4:18 AM , David.фаворит Бога номер-один said...

you are like this when i'm here???
WTH???
put a smile on before i change my mind
and i will invite you to my private blog...soon!
**kisses**

 
On January 9, 2010 at 5:31 PM , Anonymous said...

Pardon my unsympathetic comments but compared to a vast number of people in africa....youre in heaven even with your many problems....so just thank God for where you are now and brace yourself for the journey to where you should be...have great new year......and you writing is exqusite!!!

 
On January 9, 2010 at 7:56 PM , Midun said...

Fabulo-la... I love, absolutely love your style of writing. I salute ur creativity and skill and have utmost admiration for it. I hope 2010 is a much better year for u and brings u all sorts of good things. With your fabulousity, I'm sure u can handle any situation and will ultimately triumph. Happy new year!

 
On January 11, 2010 at 9:36 AM , Tisha said...

in 2009, he cut out my heart and carved it up for dinner.
worse i don't even hate him.
i don't have the ability, never did.
so i understand what you are talking about, before then i never let go, i was always the one doing the hurting but i have let go.
advice: let go but don't lose ur ability to really love and be real.
cheers

 
On January 11, 2010 at 7:00 PM , Mwajim Al said...

The Lord can heal it all my dear, just give it all to him and trust him to piece you back together!!! This year will be a year of freedom... bask in the light :) Good Luck. P.S, I love your entries.

 
On January 20, 2010 at 6:58 PM , RoByn LaTice said...

I feel the exact same way about my year