I am home, in my father's house. I haven't been here in a few years. The stress of school really did get to me. So I am home, resting. Relaxing. I need to recoup. Recharge, before the next leg.
All I plan to do, is cook (only for my father o!), sleep and wii all day with my little brother. That is the plan.
This evening while lounging on the balcony reading Myne's new book, my mum asked me to go and buy bread, since the house will be full tomorrow. You see, there happens to be a bakery right behind our house. Anytime we need bread, we just call.
Reluctantly, I put my book down, and proceed to my room to change clothes. But then I decide against it.
Its dark out, why bother.
Besides its only a 7 minute walk. With my sweats, tank and scarf on my head, I proceed to buy N200 worth of bread.

Big mistake.

I buy the bread alright, without revealing too much yankee accent. Just as I turn to leave, I see a woman selling agbado (roasted corn). Oh how I have missed those things.
N250 and 4 agbados later, I proceed to walk back home.
But there is a problem. I have a big bag of N200 bread in one hand and a 5 agbados wrapped in old newspaper in the other hand. There is no way to make this cute. So, resigned to my 7 minutes of uncuteness, I slide my arm into the plastic bag of bread, to sit in the crook of my elbow. Like how those hollywood girls do when they carry their oversize purses. With that, I am free to munch on agbado as I walk home. The only difference between me and omo iya alata, is that I have my hands free ear piece in one ear.
The agbado tastes heavenly. Burnt just enough that it crunches with each bite.
Just as I cross the road, I hear a car honking loudly, trying to get my attention. Like the true snob that I am, I totally ignore it. But then I hear, Fabulo-la! Fabulo-la!
Who is mannerless idiot that is calling me out?
And then I see him. Him.
The one I gave my heart to on a platter of gold.
The one I was willing to cook, clean and die for.
Yes it was that intense.
Until he dropped me like hot amala.
For her.

I stop dead in my tracks wishing fervently that I had at least changed my clothes. You know that sexy summery dress I have been looking forward to wearing? NOW would have been the time to be caught wearing it.
"Hey Fabulo-la! Didn't know you were in town."
I self consciously wipe corn from my mouth.
"Yea..err 'twas a last minute thing."
"Hi!" she chirps to me from the passenger seat. "I've heard so much about you"
Her perfectly curled lace front locks mock my leopard print scarf.
"Right ..err yeah."
"Need a ride home?" He asks me.
'No!' I say a little too quickly.
"You sure?"
Is he kidding? "No thats ok" I prefer to lick my wounds by myself thank you very much.
"Well then", he says to me. "You around for a while?"
As he says that, I catch him rubbing her knee. He used to do that to me. The slow movements of his hand..
"Yea... only a coupla weeks though"
"Ok then, we are on our way out. You doing anything? You should come".
"Yea! Would be fun!"
his perky sidekick chirps in.
Is he kidding? This is the part where I straighten my back and try to regain my dignity.
"S'alright. Already got plans". I insert my yankee accent here, in an attempt to snob them.
"Ok then, see you around?"
"Yea.. yea.."
"It was nice to meet you!" Her perkiness is irritating.

With that, he releases the clutch and zooms off. I can only stare after them.
I look down at my sweats, the bread. The agbado.

All of a sudden, it has lost its appeal...

Comments (31)

On December 2, 2009 at 6:54 PM , bonnie said...

first? awwwww!! omg that is a very bad something you got caught in.
but you should have just dust the dirt of your shoulders and catwalk back home VS style ;)

On December 2, 2009 at 6:57 PM , bonnie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
On December 2, 2009 at 6:59 PM , bonnie said...

awww!! thats not a sexy situation you got caught in.
owell you should have just dust the dirt off your shoulder..and catwalk back home in your ture VS style ;)

On December 2, 2009 at 7:13 PM , TayneMent said...

first, very well written. If na true story, chei! why na? Its all good jare, man go drop you, agbado will everly dey available and ready for you.lol

On December 2, 2009 at 7:43 PM , Miss Natural said...

is it true? so you're back huh, well no more miserable holidays for you. Awww the right hting to say here is that, 'HE doesnt deserve YOU' but its the truth. lol at taynement, yup he's a loser and crunchy nut agbado is way better t

On December 2, 2009 at 8:16 PM , akaBagucci said...

caught agabdo down.. but then life happens..

On December 2, 2009 at 9:13 PM , Tigeress said...

:( aaawwwwww pele. But shit happens. It hurts- but the way i see it- it wasnt meant to be. And trust me- something MUCH better is yet to come- and thats from experience.

On December 2, 2009 at 9:36 PM , burramint said...

that sucks!! abeg dont let anyone take the enjoyment of your agbado from you!

On December 2, 2009 at 10:44 PM , chayoma said...



It's life luv. Just keep moving.

On December 2, 2009 at 10:51 PM , Gee said...

is it true tho???
geez dunno y i am laffing---ok lets agree, its sad but funny..no worries my dear, stuff happens!!

ps what is agbado??

On December 2, 2009 at 11:07 PM , neefemi said...

aint no shame in your game, im sure u looked sexy still and its his loss - we keeps it moving

@Gee - agbado is corn

On December 3, 2009 at 12:21 AM , shorty said...

Shit happens dear,so no worries. Everyone eats agbado,i'm sure he does too doesnt he?

On December 3, 2009 at 1:17 AM , RoByn LaTice said...

Yea thats sounds like a terribly painful situation to be in. Damn, well if he's not with you...Maybe God just has better in store for you babe! Keep on pushing!

On December 3, 2009 at 1:39 AM , Myne Whitman said...

Not a good situation to be found in I guess by the ex BF. But Agbado at least is dependable. Are you really in naija eating roasted corn? Can we exchange? LOL

ps, thanks for the link and your button too. It looks lovely!

On December 3, 2009 at 3:56 AM , Fluffycutething said...

I cannot stop laughing here babes....

Sorry oh. I have long since "discovered" that such disasters are bound to happen when you're least prepeared...

At least you didn't have hair net on your head LOL

On December 3, 2009 at 7:03 AM , Lady X said...

I'm annoyed for you. What is he being happy for? Why the nice nice? Yeye girl she even had mouth to say 'Oh I've heard so much about you' mtsew ode!

On December 3, 2009 at 10:47 AM , ~Sirius~ said...

Are you home? for real?!!!!

Your post had me laughing big time.

On December 3, 2009 at 12:01 PM , Fragilelooks said...

hahahhhhhahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaha. na me go laf pass. lol. real funny. don't mind them jare.

On December 3, 2009 at 12:33 PM , Omotee! said...

Yee pa! LDKMD! na true story so?
norin jo, shit happens. u still get swagger jo.

On December 3, 2009 at 12:56 PM , Tay-mee said...

Gosh you write really well!!

I pictured you tryna feel fab with your agbado in hand..lol

On December 3, 2009 at 1:42 PM , midun said...

Ok this (ur situation) isn't funny at all, but Loooooool @ perky sidekick. Btw what was she feeling like contributing? *rolls eyes*
Pele. On the bright side u're at home eating agbado. Are u really though? No more loneliness. Yay u!

On December 3, 2009 at 3:03 PM , Repressed One said...

Ouch fab!! Ouch!!

But you're home with family so that's gotta count for something.

I say this all the time...U write really well.

On December 3, 2009 at 3:13 PM , Rene said...

loool...agbado truly lost it's taste........plz tel me dis isnt real

On December 3, 2009 at 4:09 PM , leggy said...

i actually like the girl, she sure knows how to level competition, just being nice to you to let you know that you dont bother her.lmao.
and i want that agbado, we actually call it oka in igbo.everywhere i go someone is talking about nigeria, i really want to go home.

On December 3, 2009 at 5:39 PM , Bubbles said...

you went out looking like a hot ass mess!
ok done.

On December 3, 2009 at 6:36 PM , Nice Anon said...

Wait oh are you Naija? Nice story

On December 3, 2009 at 8:21 PM , David.фаворит Бога номер-один said...

sweets...in that situation, do what i do
the ones you have and those to comE and

it's humbling but that's not what defines you
is it?
you are more beautiful and way better than that...have fun in 9ja

me jealous you oh!!! lol

On December 4, 2009 at 5:34 AM , tunrayo said...

lol. you make it sound funny. in case this really happened, pele dear. but it cuda been worse, like fluffycutething said, you could have been wearing hairnet. lol

On December 4, 2009 at 6:05 AM , My World said...

For a while there I did wish you were wearing that summer dress too..........
Its just so uncomfortable and just cant be explained......

On December 7, 2009 at 1:56 PM , Favoured Girl said...

Aaaah, the classic "running into an ex on a bad day", I never get tired of reading stories like this. I pray it never happens to me though!

On December 26, 2009 at 12:08 AM , Rayo said...

It's ALWAYS the one day that you let your guard down that you always run into the cutie/ex/future 'would've been' boyfriend. Funny enough though, there's also always the weirdo that decides to hit on you because he assumes that he's doing you a favor by hitting on you.